I finished my series of letters to the boys, and in doing so, I was able to let go some of the hurt. Even though they cannot read them, letting them out was an emotional release that I very much needed. I still felt, though, that there was another a letter that needed writing. This letter will be read and understood, and instead of simply sharing my thoughts with him, I wanted them “out there” for all to see, because I think Jordan deserves all the credit and recognition in the world for the truly amazing and beautiful person he is. Because in truth, I cannot give all the credit to the boys for helping me to be strong.
Before Jordan came into our lives, the boys had just been diagnosed and I was a very broken woman. I had lost all hope, had no faith, and was in every way defeated. My world had been shattered and I truly believed I would never feel happiness again.
The journey to where we are now in our relationship was in no way easy, and I think there were times when we both had our doubts about being able to make this work, but we found a way and I know now without a shadow of doubt that we are together because true love will always find a way.
And so, I write this letter in honor of my partner, my love a lifetime, my Jordan.
I believe that the path for my life was always intended to lead me to you. I think the universe knew that my journey would take me down the road less traveled, and that I would need someone strong and compassionate. A protector: someone kind and loving who could weather any storm blown his way. It would be a path that would at many times be rocky, and I would encounter many bumps and stumbles along the way and you would always be a light in the darkness.
You haven been there for me every step of the way. You listen to my thoughts and sympathize with my fears. You pick me up and remind me of the good when I am stuck in a dark place. You wipe away my tears, share in my joys, and always encourage me to pursue my passions. You work so hard to take care of our family and still are always present and willing to help with things at home.
I know it could not have been easy to step into this life. Parenting is a difficult task, and parenting children with extreme special needs all the more, but you took it on and made it look so effortless. You love Landon and Blake as if they were your own children, and I know in your heart, they are. You were the father the boys always deserved.
You are an amazing father to all three of our boys, and they are so blessed to have you to look up to, depend on, and to have as a living example of what a strong, compassionate, and hard-working man should look like. You make me proud everyday, and in every way. People tell me often how strong I am, but honestly, it pales in comparison to your strength and grace. This hand was dealt to me. I was never given a choice. You were. You could have easily walked away, and no one would have blamed you. This life, though it brings joy and gives you a greater appreciation for life, will be full of loss and heartache as well. It took a strong, extraordinary man to handle and embrace us, and you did it. You just fit, and now it seems unbelievable that there was ever a time you weren’t with us. Not only were we blessed with you, but we also gained a loving, supportive family. Your family accepted us with open arms and they treat Landon and Blake as if they were their own, and I know they truly see them that way. I couldn’t ask for a better family to be a part of.
Life made you the amazing man you are, and you were made for me, of that I am certain. You are every reason, every hope, and every dream I have ever had. Every day we are together is the greatest day of my life. I will always be yours. I promise to walk hand in hand with you through this life. No matter what this journey has in store, it will be our journey together. Whatever lies ahead, good or bad, we will face it together. I promise to support and encourage your hopes and aspirations. To always give you the best of me, be there for you through struggles and doubt, to love you when things are easy, and to love you even more when they are difficult.
You are my everything, and I will love you with my whole heart, for my whole life.
You are my happily ever after.