The other side of infinity

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I’ll love you to infinity and beyond, I’ve always told you. And it will always be true.

Now that you’re gone, I’m living on the other side of infinity. The side where I am destined to walk this earth without you. The side that has separated our physical presences from each other. And the pain of living with that truth is one that will never have an end. Like a diamond, it’s hard and sharp, and it’s intense shine and luster are never dulled.

The pain and the grief are part of who I am now. Like a personality trait acquired through life experience, my grieving for you is part of what makes me who I am without you.

I have had to learn to love you in a new way here on the other side of infinity. What was once cuddles and giggles, kisses and hugs, cookies and adventures, is now smiles through tears at the mention of your name, remembering with heartache and longing, and carrying your legacy into my new and uncertain future.

Loving you now is honoring your life by living mine. It’s pushing beyond the guilt of having outlived you and seeking out the beauty in life that I wished we were sharing. It’s doing things that make me think “I wish he was here” or “I wish he could see this,” because if I do those things, then so do you….because I carry you.

I move forward so that you do. Because as difficult as living without you is, it is unbearable to think your legacy doesn’t continue. And it is my duty and my privilege to carry your torch and continue to help others see the gift of life and love  by sharing you with them.

You brought a joy to this world that is far too bright and beautiful to ever let fade away. So with a broken heart and tears always under the surface of my smile, I will spread the light that was your life into any darkness that I find.

Like a pilgrim finding their way in a new world, I explore the other side of infinity. Unsure of what’s coming on the horizon, but always knowing that your light will guide me to where I need to be going.

And come what may on the other side of infinity, I can only be thankful that I had you. That you were mine and I was yours. That life brought me a love so deep and pure that even infinity can never erase, even if I’m destined to live on the other side of it now.

I love you baby boy, and I hope I’m making you so proud, to infinity and beyond.

 

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